My podcast guest, Sandy Woznicki, learned these 5 important lessons after getting dumped a month before her wedding!
Want to know how to heal after getting dumped? This episode is for you. My guest, Sandy Woznicki, is a coach who helps career-driven women and working moms master their stress and anxiety so they can start enjoying their lives more. She helps them motivate themselves with kindness instead of criticism, improve their relationships and kick butt at work (without the mom guilt or feeling like a fraud).
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- How getting dumped can help you grow into the best version of yourself
- 5 lessons learned from getting dumped
- The importance of forgiveness
- How to effectively deal with the hard emotions
- Why moving towards the pain is healing
5 Lessons Learned From Getting Dumped
How did getting dumped right before your wedding help you grow into a better version of yourself?
It was so painful, but how I came through it is the proudest moment of my life. We were together eight years, and four years in we got engaged. A month before the wedding, I felt sucker punched in the gut when he suddenly said he didn’t want to get married anymore.
The next few months were spent in uncontrollable crying and the greatest lessons I ever learned. I became stronger and smarter and more self compassionate.
How did you manage all those hard emotions in a healthy way?
I had to learn how to handle my emotions and feel my feelings. We’re not great at that. After the wedding was called off, we still lived together for three months. I got really good at numbing and avoiding the pain. When he moved out, I felt the pain wash through me. Without judgment. I did it while dancing in my kitchen. It helped move the emotions through me. It was cathartic. Our emotions must flow. View them through the lens of curiosity.
What are the five steps you took to heal after being dumped?
- Accept and allow emotions.
- Learn to reframe the situation and adapt a new perspective. Ask yourself questions. What’s the story I’m telling myself here? Is that true? What’s the worst that could happen? How will I cope with that? What’s the lesson I’m supposed to be learning now?
- Know your core values, and recognize whether you’re in tune with them. This will help you make decisions with clarity.
- Forgive. There’s power in forgiveness. I could have held a grudge, but it would have held me back. It felt terrible to be angry and self-righteous. There was no benefit in holding onto anger.
- Rethink failure. I realized in retrospect I wanted the breakup. I came to learn I was afraid of ending the relationship and admitting failure. Rethinking failure helps you see failure as giving up on something you want because it seems too hard or uncomfortable. I ask myself, how likely is that outcome? If it happens, how will I cope? That’s how we get our power back. Ask what’s the best that could happen?
What’s a good exercise for self-compassion?
How would you talk to a friend? Use the same words towards yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, think about how your voice sounds when you hear yourself recorded. It is you, but not what you’re used to hearing. It might feel foreign, but keep working at it.
What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?
Notice when you’re jumping to a negative conclusion. Don’t conclude that it won’t work out or he’ll treat you like the last guy. Then, you can be open and curious.
Watch the video here
Connect with Sandy and get a copy of her free Stress Detox mini=course: http://stressandanxietycoach.com
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Get a copy of Sandy’s book, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love.